Our Upstairs Neighbors are Loud

Dear Upstairs Neighbor, 

Since arriving home today, a few theories I have been working on have become clear to me. 

1. You have an elephant whom you force into cardio exercises in the late afternoon. I am not saying I wouldn't thoroughly exercise a pet elephant of my own, but I would however do it outdoors. 

2. Your carpet is made of gravel. After the elephant is done with his workouts, you have to clean up the mess! He must have dirt on his feetsies, because you insist upon vacuuming daily. A gravel carpet is the only possible explanation for the sound that is made when you vacuum. The only one. 

3. Chicken soup races are how you and the elephant decide who picks dinner! I do love the sound of the cans rolling across my ceiling, but when they bang into the walls, we get a little jumpy down here! 

If you and Snuffleupagus could keep it down, your downstairs friends would truly appreciate it! 

Love, 

The Couch Potato Princesses <3

PS: I think Snuffy needs to lay off the milk before bed- when he gets up for that 3am potty break it is a bit disruptive. 

People are scary

So I have a really irrational fear of running into people while I'm outdoing mundane things. I know, you're thinking.. "That's ridiculous, Michelle, people aren't scary." But, they are. Really. As this seems to be happening to me way more often than I'd like lately, I've been analyzing the situation and there are really 4 categories of people you can run into while you're out. For those of you with OCD problems, I've ordered them in a list ranging from completely terrifying situations to totally non-threatening ones. You're welcome.

1. Serial Killers / Thugs / Gangsters / Ex-Friends / Ex-Boyfriends 

Obviously, these are members of the scariest groups of people to run into. You don't follow them on Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest, or Tumblr and you certainly are NOT Facebook friends, in fact they are probably on your blocked list. Sure you might google them from time to time but it doesn't mean you want to set up a Tee time and have a brewski. Likely, you're just hoping to find an embarrassing mug shot to pass around to your friends and family.These are always the people you run into at the most impossible and inconvenient moment ever. You know, after your 3 hour power workout as your dripping sweat in the McDonald's line (don't even pretend you've never done that, stop judging). Or, better yet, on that 11:30pm trip to Walmart while in your Tweety Bird jammie's to buy Ben & Jerry's and Chex mix. No, I don't in fact want to talk to you and chances are you feel the same way so my hope is that we both pretend not to see each other and walk the other way. However, my luck is rarely that good.

2. Facebook Oversharers / Medical Professionals / Friends You Haven't Seen in a Long Time

This group, while slightly less terrifying to run into, still aren't people you would go out of your way to see. They are people who either know too much about you or you know too much about. Maybe it's that one friend on Facebook you can't bear to delete because her constant crazy status updates give you a laugh on a bad day, even if they are more annoying than a thousand hormonal pre-teens watching the Titanic for the first time. Better yet, it's your lady-doctor who has seen your business way up close and personal and you just know that she's silently judging you. More than likely, it's a friend you haven't laid eyes on in ten years, but really? What is there to say? I mean, I know you just bought a new car that's pink to match your Vera Bradley bag, but I only know that because I spent too much time clicking through your pictures in Instagram. It's just awkward and meeting these people unexpectedly makes me want to take an anxiety pill.

3. Current Friends / Jonas Brothers / Adam Levine 

I don't even feel like I need to explain this one, but I will because otherwise you might stop reading. These are people that when you see them at pump number 3 at the Mobil station and you are on pump number 42 (it's a large gas station, okay..) you will scream their names until they notice you and then you will run to each other for a giggly hugging-jumping reunion even if you just saw them 20 minutes ago at lunch. I mean, when I see my favorite coworker Jessica unexpectedly at work during the day, I am downright  giddy, so just imagine what it would be like out in public. And as for celebrities, obviously we hang out in places that they frequent, Sweet Tomatoes, Publix, Burger King.. So we have had tons of experience with those kinds of run ins. (Word of advice, they don't quite understand the hugging-jumping reunion, but just keep doing it.. Eventually they give in so you'll stop.)

4. Total Strangers / Stray Kittens / Family Members

These are the members of your world that you are pretty indifferent to when out in public. You'll acknowledge them, if needed, especially if the kitten looks hungry or you think you can swindle mom into paying for half your groceries. These people are pretty non-threatening and are the least of my worries when running errands.

So there you have it, a look at the inner workings of my mind. I apologize if I've recently run into you and acted less than sociable, it really is the stuff of nightmares for me. Much like my students who believe I sleep in my classroom, I like to maintain an air of mystery.. Does she ever grocery shop? Will she be getting gas this week? Is she buying enormous amounts of pizza from Little Caesars? The world may never know. 

Bachelorettes Unite! 5/27/13 Recap

It is that time once again friends where we welcome Chris Harrison and his brood of merry men back to our screens. The Bachelorette is back!

This season Desiree Hartsock will be our Bachelorette, 

one of Sean's unfortunate casualties last season.  You may remember Desiree as being the one girl that Sean seemed to have the best connection with, or you may remember her as the girl we decided to like when our first choice went home, or you may just remember her as that girl who looked a lot like Katie Holmes (this was particularly bothersome to me last season, as you may recall). But no matter how you remember her, Desiree was by far the most heartbreaking of the women to be sent home last season. She was incredibly genuine in her love for Sean, and it was obvious to anyone who was watching just how devastated she was to be losing her relationship with Sean. 

But luckily, through the magic of TV, we can now see Desiree put others through the same torment that she once endured. Which brings us to tonight, when the lucky Des got to meet 25 of America's most eligible bachelors. 

Please note that normally while Bachelor(ette) blogging I take notes based upon my own feelings as well as Michelle's and then I compile a comprehensive recap that includes our thoughts and opinions and share it here with you, our fellow reality TV junkie friends :) Tonight, however, was a little different as I was simultaneously trying to watch the show, not spill my drink, work on my reading endorsement, and take notes I realized I was not Super Woman, and I could not take on all of those tasks at once. So, tonight's blog post will be created through a reading of notes Michelle took during the show... so we'll see how that goes. ;) 

After meeting all 25 guys we actually feel like Desiree does not have a lot of great material to choose from. There are a few great guys in the bunch, but overall, after first meet, we do not think this is an especially great bunch of gentlemen. This will undoubtedly make it super easy for Des in the beginning as she sends the losers home, but really difficult at the end when she only has the good ones left. OR- we will be completely wrong and think that a whole lot of them are wonderful after a few episodes. (Reminder, we did think Tierra was pretty great after last season's first show.. we were clearly wrong there.)

Overall, we only had a few faves: 

Bryden, in the Army, communicates well, and made a good conenction (I think he is my favorite)

Ben, the single dad who shamelessly used his adorable child on the first night

Chris, because he had a funny shoe proposal

Our least favorites included:

Jonathan, the inappropriate guy who could NOT take a hint and who was sent home early. No one is going to the fantasy suite with you, buddy. 

Larry, very nervous, weird and creepy. His meet-cute dance move failed and he could not let it go, which may have been ok if it wasn't for the fact that he was so creepy. 

Nick- the magician/tailor. No one needs a suit maker who can pull a quarter from your ear

#Kasey- #Kasey has some kind of job in which he hashtags. This causes him to speak in hashtags. I will forever only call him #Kasey.

Zak W.- This is not a usual complain of the Couch Potato Princesses, but- PUT ON A SHIRT. He was shirtless in most of his promo package, then he got out of the limo shirtless, then he remained shirtless at the cocktail party, then he went swimming shirtless... also pantsless. 

Will- he does yoga and loves high fives. We don't mind those things, in small doses. We did however mind that he shouted his love for Desiree immediately after learning she was the Bachelorette. We will now only refer to him as Premature Will, or PW for short. 

Desiree sent home a total of 8 guys:

Dr. Larry- the creepy, unsuccessful dancer

Nick- POOF! She made you disappear

Diogo- Yes, Diogo, not Diego. I should mention that he was legit in a suit of armor. So there's that. 

Mike- The British dentist who lost his British accent.. and his chance at Bachelorette love. 

Michael G- I literally remember nothing about him... 

Jonathan- the guy who was a bigger jerk than Kalan or Bentley

Micah- Were you even a contestant?

Nick M- I don't remember you either

Looking forward to another great season of drama and fun and sharing our thoughts with you! 

Please comment and let us know your favorites/least favorites or funniest moments of the night. 

You're not old enough to be a cowboy, baby

                                              

So, I'm trolling about Pinterest, as I often do on the couch, when I came across this picture of a baby dressed as a cowboy..

Well, I use the term "dressed" loosely. Whatever, maybe he's related to the Naked Cowboy in New York.

  Naturally I had to show it to Lindsey and get her thoughts. This is the conversation that followed: 

Michelle: Hey, look at this cute cowboy baby.

Lindsey: Why is he naked? And in a barn?

M: I don't know, because he's a cute baby.

L: Where are his parents? Why is he carrying a rope? Why doesn't he have shoes on?

M: I think you're missing the point. He's a cute baby, kind of dressed like a cowboy.

L: (Anxious look) That rope is touching his tushey, I don't know... I just don't like it. I don't like the idea of my baby wandering around naked in a barn on a farm.

It is troublesome that the rope is touching his tushey. Also that he has no shoes in a barn. I'm no farmer, but I don't think that's the safest idea. Although my spuddy senses are telling me this is probably not a real barn, so it might be okay. I personally don't think I would do this to my kid.. but I also never thought I'd drink wine out of a tervis tumbler or dance with a sombrero on my head in a public restaurant. Sometimes people do weird things.

Weigh in on the debate: Yee-haw or Naw to Cowboy Baby?

Stupid Things I Found on Pinterest

Well Pinterest, after my Facebook post I warned you that I was coming for you. Let me preface this by saying, I love Pinterest. As a couch potato, I spend a lot of time scrolling through Pinterest, coming up with great ideas to make and implement. But- much to my dismay, not every idea on Pinterest is a good one. Mind you, this will not be a blog posting all my failed Pinterest projects. This will strictly be a list of really stupid ideas I saw on Pinterest and will never try because they are stupid.

"For those days you just want to make one cookie..."

Newsflash: I have never wanted to make just one cookie. Why would I want to make one cookie? Then I'd be eating a cookie by myself, Michelle would be mad I didn't make one for her too, and I'd have to go back and make another single serving cookie in like 15 minutes because no one just wants one cookie! I feel like at a minimum, six cookies. For those days you just want to make half a dozen cookies... It makes more sense. Because no one on this couch will be making just one.

"Key Socks"



What are these exactly? I mean, I get the concept. But they make those footsie ones that just cover your feet, why do these have to go all the way up to my knee? What happens when they start to sag during the day? What happens if I end up at a friend's house, take my shoes off, then have to explain those ridiculous things? What about wearing heels with a dress? How will they help me then? And who thought of this? Stupid.

"Paper Passion"

Perfume that smells like... books. I don't really know what I can even say about this other than WHY?! Who wants to smell like a book? The only books I can even remember having a smell, are old ones. And you want to know what those smell like? Musty. Nothing I am interested in smelling like on a Friday night.

Here's the link: http://www.steidlville.com/books/1312-Paper-Passion.html

In case you're interested in smelling like a library for $98 a bottle.

"Frozen Hot Chocolate"

Well, is it frozen or is it hot? Because it can't be both. Let's just call it what it is people: a chocolate milkshake. I'm into festive-ness as much as the next girl, but this I cannot condone.

"How to make perfectly clear ice cubes"

I have not ever had a need for entirely clear ice cubes. They cool my drink whether they are clear, or not. And when the process of making perfectly clear ice cubes entails boiling the water first.... No thank you.

"Boat Dress"



At least you won't drown? I don't know what the purpose of this could be, other than to keep you from drowning. Think of how ridiculous you'll look while you're trying to sunbathe.

"Shoe Tub"



I love shoes as much as the next girl, but I mean... Come on. But if you love shoes slightly more than me and want to purchase this for your home, feel free to follow this link, because for $30,000 this can be yours.

http://www.houzz.com/photos/bathtubs\

Living Moss Bath Mat



It probably feels good on your feet... I guess? But I for one would be concerned about bugs and other things that wanted to start living there. Maybe there is a plan in place for that?


And there you have it. Some of the more ridiculous things that I have located through thorough Pinteresting. I'm not saying that everything I like is completely plausible, practical, or un-stupid, but they are at least not as stupid as these.

Let me know what crazy, weird Pinterest pins you've found in your journeys!

Just because she's your roommate, doesn't mean she won't leave you to die.

I mean it. Just because you scour the couch for quarters together around the first of every month or eat each others leftover to-go food when it looks delicious and you are out of grocery money does not in fact mean that you have an unbreakable bond or commitment to one another in the case of a real life (non) emergency situation.

Exhibit A: Killer frog on the stairs

When I was a smallish child my mother decided it would be great to play a joke on me involving a frog. It went a little something like this...

Me: Oh look, Mommy, a frog!

My Mother: Maybe you should take a closer look..

Me:*steps closer, foolishly*

My Mother: *startles said frog with her keys making it attack my leg with the viciousness of 12 rabid squirrels*

(There may be a slight exaggeration in how I am remembering this)

Anyways, I don't particularly care for frogs since that fateful day, but I've mostly gotten over the night terrors. Apparently Lindsey isn't too keen on them either because at the first sighting of one on our apartment stairway, she all but threw me in front of her and ran the other way in order to save herself. This was an ordinary frog, mind you, not some Amazonian poisonous dart frog with the ability to steal your soul. I can only imagine what she would do if we encountered one of those. Good thing we will never find out because we couch potatoes are not fans of the Amazon. (Unless its the dot com kind)

Exhibit B: Genetically mutated squirrels on a hot apartment roof

Recently Lindsey and I have been taking walks around our complex, you know, for our health. Also it's when we come up with our best get-rich-quick schemes and blog post ideas. So on our last walking adventure, we were moving along at a good clip, (I was even keeping up with Lindsey and her long legs) when suddenly the building we were walking past was attacked by genetically mutated squirrels. Okay, I don't actually know that they were genetically mutated, but they had to be something special because they made enough noise that we thought the building was falling on our heads. As it turns out no buildings were crumbling and when the theoretical dust had cleared I looked up to see that my roommate, the one I share my salt shaker with, had up and left me for dead. No really, she was literally 17 ft in front of me, running and not looking back. Frankly, I'm just glad she let me back into the apartment.

Exhibit C: Any and all bugs, but specifically Palmetto bugs

If at any time there is a large bug, Lindsey will without a doubt leave me for dead and save herself. This is pretty much a universal rule around our house. Whether the bug is in the kitchen or bathroom, when I hear the shriek and peak around the corner to make sure no one has lost an arm or something, she zooms past me like some kind of road runner and my head spins like poor Wyle E. Coyote. Until the bug is dead and flushed I can basically count on fending for myself. 

I guess in the case of a zombie apocalypse, it's every potato for herself! 

 

Don't worry Lindsey, I still love you :)

Dream Big, People

Lindsey: I wish there was a way we could be independently wealthy and just plot revenge against people. Then we could make her spill her coffee every morning.

Michelle: Then we'd be like, "Did you see her Facebook status? Haha!"

Lindsey: And we'd high five and be like, "We did that."

Michelle: That's what happens when you're rich enough to own gravity.

Jim Halpert, The Everyday Man

In case you haven't figured it out yet, Lindsey and I watch a lot of TV. Not a lot in the "you may have ocular lock because you've been sitting still in front of the screen too long" kind of a lot. Just the normal, "20 something women who really like soap operas, comedies, and reality TV as well as FOX news and jeopardy and really, the other shows would feel left out if we didn't watch them too" kind of a lot. It's not a problem, I swear.

Anyways, one of our long time favorites is The Office on NBC (not to be confused with the British version which we don't like). While catching up on the last few DVR'd episodes, we discovered the reason why we both like this show so much:  Jim Halpert.

 Ah, Jim. Jimmy-Jim. Jim-miney Cricket. Jim-a-rim-a-doodle.
(Sorry, got a little carried away there.)

Jim is the everyday man. He works in an office, he wears a tie and has sometimes unkempt hair. He hates party planning, eats brown bag lunches most days, and plays practical jokes on his desk neighbors.

Jim is humorous, romantic, has boyish charm, and a quick wit and he is the standard to which we measure all men.

Jim spent years.. YEARS chasing after his true love Pam, the secretary. He watched her date, get engaged to, and eventually dump her long time boyfriend. He left the office, came back to the office, dated other girls, dumped other girls, but all the while he knew who he loved. And most importantly, we knew. There are nights when we would quite literally hold our breath for those few and far between serious moments of the show when Jim and Pam would reach a crossroads in their relationship... "Kiss her! Go after her! Don't be a fool Pam Beasley, take him back! Love each other!!!" Insert heavy, teenager-esque sigh here.

Recently, we have been disappointed with the direction that the writers have taken Jim. I mean, obviously, we know him SO much better than those pesky writers. "He would NEVER do that to Pam! What? This is not seriously happening right now. Who ARE you Jim??? It's like I don't even know you anymore." Those are things we've really said. For real. (We don't have a problem, stop judging.) But tonight, we were vindicated. Spoiler alert: Jim becomes Jim again and restores our faith in the everyday man.

The reason this is so important to us is that if Jim, our Jim, our close personal friend and yard stick for a real man, can be a jerk and ruin everything.. then where is our hope? I suppose we will have to just fall back onto Plan B: Remaining single, seemingly unattached wine drinkers who are mysteriously rich and only work when absolutely necessary like Senator Dorian Lord or the great Victoria Lord from One Life to Live. (Don't even get me started on that show).

In lighter news, I would like to share with you a few couples who did indeed give us hope this week:





Nashville's Rayna James and Deacon Claybourne FINALLY confessed their undying love for one another.. probably because they wanted us to stop writing those nasty letters.






 New Girl's Nick and Jess also took heed of our letters made of magazine clippings, and at long last decided they should be in love. (I think Lindsey and I should start a match-making service this summer in all of our spare time.)








The Mindy Project's Mindy and Danny are the only hold-outs. Seriously, get it together Kaling. In fact, we've received our letters unopened and returned to sender. I'm afraid we may have to escalate to cryptic phone calls. Why can't they just be happy together? Don't they know that I know what's best for them??

Mindy and Danny: The love arrows are coming at you next.